Aug
06
2010

An Enthusiast’s guide to drunkamping

—Christian

I know the Enthusiast has already expounded on the trials and tribulations of drinking in public, but today I’d like to talk about a different kind of outdoor drinking. Namely, that which is done in the modern cradle of mother nature—the campsite. Here is the Enthusiasts’ guide to camping, guaranteed to ensure that your next journey in the wild* does not involve even a bit of sobriety.

The first rule of thumb is: you’re always going to under estimate. Unless your friends are a bunch of teetotalers, the carefree atmosphere of hanging out under the open sky, combined with the lack of responsibility a single bar of service on your cell phone engenders, will almost assuredly result in the lot of you drinking constantly. As such, be sure to bring plenty of hooch, and the right combination is very important.

Oh yeah, I definitely want to go camping with them.

For that initial night when you’ve driven up, are road weary and just want to jump in with both feet, I recommend bourbon—ideally out of the bottle. This will ensure that by the time you’re chomping down the first mouthfuls off the grill, your enthusiasm will be flaring up like the flames of a freshly lit fire.

If you take my first suggestion, your next morning will be likely be nothing more than a continuation of the night before. At this pre-noon point, it’s a little early for beer or whiskey (unless you’re a true Enthusiast), so stick to the standard morning drink—vodka, mixed with some kind of juice. This will get you through the first grill of the day and all the way to the beach/boat.

Afternoons are for beer. Fresh cans are easily thrown, and won’t sink if you miss the catch while in the water. Beer will keep you steady, without going overboard. By evening BBQ time, your hand will be unshaking and fearless for stoking and chopping. After dinner, the night is yours. Bring a healthy stock of your favorite beverages and make sure to put out the fire before you hit the sack.

Otherwise…

Let’s take stock of where we’re at. At this point you’ll have needed a bottle of whiskey, 1-2 cases of beer, a fifth or more of vodka and juice. For evening you’ll want a handle or more of booze-of-choice, plus mixers and a couple bottles of wine for those that desire them. Then just rinse and repeat (figuratively and literally) for as many days you spend in the wild.

Of course, you eventually have to go home. I recommend saving a little something from your stash for that first night back. This will help to dull the pain of returning to civilization and ensure that you get an early bedtime for resting your sun baked frame before real life comes crashing through the forests of your dreams in the form of an alarm clock the next morning.

 

Teetotalers image courtesy of http://drinkupdate.com (original source unknown).
Campfire image courtesy of Living Purpose Institute.
Forest fire image courtesy of Special 2 Me.

*Personally, I prefer “camping” that involves cabins, showers and motor vehicles of various sort, but that’s really just semantics in the end.

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