Sep
08
2010

An Enthusiast’s guide to surviving a hurricane

—Dan

Having just been paid a visit by my new friend Earl, I thought I’d provide fellow Enthusiasts with some tips on how to best survive a hurricane.

First off, remember that a hurricane can leave you without power, communication, or transportation for days; so proper prior planning is necessary to prevent fear/boredom and keep you and yours safe and sound. These hurricanes, devastating as they can be, don’t often come out of nowhere and usually move plenty slow enough to ensure time to collect supplies and establish a communal location with fellow Enthusiasts to sit out the storm. In my experience, the local A.S.S. (Amagansett Seafood Store) club, hosted by a drunken Irishman, suffices quite adequately. Regardless of your shelter location, remember that you of course need to stock up on necessities: ice, pre-cooked food (jambalaya!), and most importantly, booze—and lots of it. Mixers aren’t a bad idea either, as you may want to keep your options for beverage concoctions open as the storm outside (and within) rages on.

Personally, I like to indulge in the whole theme of the thing and make up a big pitcher of Hurricanes. Not to your liking? Try a Dark-and-Stormy. These drinks make you feel like you’re not just a bystander of the storm but a real part of it—like the storm might not be able to last if you stop drinking. Which, in fact, is true. And you wouldn’t want to ruin everyone’s hurricane party, would you?

Warning: making up the second pitcher in the dark once the power goes out can get a bit dicey. Go with your gut on this one and err on the side of caution—the more the merrier. Just like with the storm outside, everyone secretly wants to see how strong it can get.

Now, eventually you might start getting a little antsy hanging out indoors for an extended period of time and get to thinking that going outside to stand on a skateboard and use your shirt as a sail is a good idea. Rest assured—it is. My only recommendation here is to tie a rope to yourself and something stable near wherever you start so you can drag yourself back afterward.

By the time the eye passes, you’ll be well on your way to a Category-5 drunken state and, convinced the storm is finished, will likely go outside again to prove to your friends that this is the case. Just try to refrain from making wagers about whether or not the storm is over at this point—you are not going to win money. The storm will pick up again and you’d do better to just go back inside and finish off that second (or third, or fourth) pitcher.

Sadly enough, the storm must inevitably pass and the whole thing will seem like a big, dark, blustery dream. As a true Enthusiast, you should have massively over-stocked for the vigil, which works out great because the post-hurricane cleanup is a bitch and nothing will help speed up the process better than room-temperature rum and fruit juice. In the end, if you prepare properly and stick to the plan, you should find yourself safe and drunk, anxiously awaiting the next hurricane.

Hurricane cocktail picture courtesy of Farmers & Fishers, flickr.

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