You know when you’re halfway through a bottle of Kirkland Signature vodka and you get an empty, gnawing feeling in your gut? Occasionally, that’s not just last weekend’s regrettable (and documented) intercourse acts eating away at you, nor the bulk bottle of vodka getting 86’d from your system. Sometimes, that gnawing means you’re hungry. For food.
But while an oily slice of pepperoni swiped off your bar neighbor’s table while they’re getting another round, or a stale handful of Movie Theater Butter popcorn out of a yellow-stained bag perched atop your friend’s kitchen garbage will satisfy in a pinch, there are certain edibles that will really tickle your booze-drenched belly until in screams in joy.
With this new series, Food for Drunks, we aim to hunt down the world’s most Enthusiast-friendly provisions—and, enjoy the shit of out them.
1. Pork belly donuts. And did I mention the sweet, sweet bourbon glaze? We heard a little rumor that there was a libation purveyor in the Mission (that’s in San Francisco, for all you painfully un-hip Enthusiasts out there) called Sycamore where a three-sheets lady could get her trembling hands on an adult beverage and a basket full of greasy, porky, glazey, bellyish goodness for about the cost of five beers on dollar beer night. Just like all rumors—especially those ones I’ve heard about you—it turned out to be completely true.
My new favorite kind of hole.
2. The McIsley. Oh man. When I quit my job with wild-eyed, Steven Slaterish abandon, break my lease, and leave all you Golden State assholes (uh, I mean, loved ones) behind to move this wasted asshole back to the Great Northwest—it was this biscuit sandwich’s fault. No one has seemingly understood the physics of the wretched, wrenching hangover better than the nice people at Pine State Biscuits (that’s in Portland, Oregon for all you painfully un-hip Enthusiasts out there) and so successfully quelled its path of destruction. The McIsley in particular combines four of my most-craved post-partying flavors: biscuit (yeah), fried chicken (oh yeah!), pickle (give it to me), and honey (ohhh baby…).
Not pictured: Path of destruction through life.
What hammered cuisine get you all worked up, fellow Enthusiasts?