—Josey

1. Wine rack/beer belly: Ever wanted people to point, stare, and loudly whisper mean, insulting things about you and your drinking habits—more so? Ladies, your search for nasty gossip fodder ends here. Sport the wine rack and the booze belly at the same time and presto: Wasted and preggers! Or for a shorter event where less snuck-in booze is needed, look hot instead of creepy with a cheap, surgery-free boob job. The fastest way to any hunky drunk’s heart is letting him suckle your alcohol-filled fake breasts, right? (Hey baby, want a taste?)

2. Cell phone flask:  No one would ever suspect this cell phone’s really a flask—in 2003. C’mon dudes: Make an iPhone version so we can actually get away with this. We live in goddamn San Francisco, for fuck’s sake! We’re snobs! And the belt holder? Bitch, please. Ok fine. I still want it.

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—Christian and Josey

Now that your hangover is finally starting to dissipate, it’s time to get serious about the resolutions you drunkenly mispelled into your iPhone notes app then accidently emailed to your boss, or sluredly proclaimed to your puking cell mate in the early hours of January 1st.

Judging by the photographic evidence friends and strangers have posted on Facebook, our twenty-ten was full of long, wild nights and crazy days. And we don’t remember much of it. In twenty-eleven we want to get back to basics and focus on life’s simplest pleasures. So we put together a few resolutions of our own. The trick to a successful resolution? Don’t determine to stop doing something altogether, but rather realize what’s missing from your life and vow its future inclusion. After all: We didn’t get to be the Alcohol Enthusiast by saying no to anything—and we don’t recommend you say no to anything, either.

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