— Christian & Josey
It’s Super Bowl Sunday, and while your humble Enthusiasts are not particularly big football fans, we are huge fans of day drinking. And the Big Game provides a good excuse for the citizens of the United States to knock a few back while the sun is still out (it is here in San Francisco, anyways…) Note: Super Bowl Sunday is also the highest DUI day of the year—so careful out there!
Sadly, our local fair-weather favorite team, the 49ers, didn’t make it all the way. So while our pageantry will be somewhat less fervent, there’s still going to be plenty of boozing. And since Christian heralds originally from Vermont, we have some vested interest in this year’s matchup—at least the decision of who to vote for (that’s the correct term, right?) was easy.
To ensure that we all have to crawl home tonight, we’ve devised a drinking game that will make even those people who only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials pay attention to what’s going down on the gridiron. So plop down on a couch next a cooler full of suds (preferably Anchor Steam), tape a bottle of whiskey to your hand, and get ready to drink.
Official rules for the Alcohol Enthusiast’s Super Bowl XLVI drinking game
– At the coin toss, if it’s heads take a shot of bourbon. Tails, a shot of tequila.
– Take a drink for every first down.
– Take a shot of your choice for every touchdown.
– Drink beer whenever a timeout is called. (We recommend a regionally-appropriate brand to the team who called the timeout.)
– Every time Eli Manning gets sacked, take a pull off your bottle of bourbon (or whatever hard stuff’s handy). If his jersey gets ripped, make that two pulls.
– Take a shot any time the ball is fumbled. Take a another shot if it’s a turnover.
– Every time Gronkowski catches a pass, drink.
– Take a shot whenever a flag is thrown. Saber a bottle of bubbly and down a glass or two if the flag is for “excessive celebration.”
– Take a shot of vodka at the 2 minute mark.
– If Madonna looks old, drink a glass of Chardonnay with ice cubes.
– If LMFAO removes their shirts, start shotgunning beers like a good bro. Keep ’em coming until that single they’ve released like 5 times now under 5 different names starts to sound like music (get ready for a long night).
– When Cee Lo Green takes the stage, drink a 7 and 7.
– Should Madonna, M.I.A., or Nicki Minaj tear the head off any of the football players, stop eating so much LSD before noon and make yourself a Long Island. (And please grow some better taste in YouTube trash.)
– If Madonna feigns a half-assed lesbian make-out sesh with M.I.A. and/or Nicki Minaj, channel your inner sorority girl (dudes: you are not exempt) and do a body shot of Cuervo off the drunkest blond in the room. Make sure to “wooo-hooo” right before you puke it back up.
– If the crowd does “the wave,” take a pull off the flask you snuck in to the stadium.
– When the Golden Retriever puppy steals the football-shaped chew toy from what appears to be a Chihuahua mixed with something else, lap a bottle of red wine out of a bowl off the floor. That’s right, bitch.
– If the Patriots win, celebrate by taking a shot of Fernet chased with an Anchor Steam. If the Giants, win drink away the pain with an Anchor Steam chasing a big shot of Fernet. Next year we’ll get there, Local Sports Team!