We went to the VICE Air launch party


I was skeptical that this seasoned Enthusiast would enjoy drinking anything called “Air,” (something called “Blackout Water” sounds more my style) but for the first time in my life I was wrong.


The Air crew

As humble but extremely distinguished members of the alcohol press, the lovely folks at Air (the booze brand, not the part of Earth’s atmosphere responsible for breathing and photosynthesis and comprised primarily of nitrogen as well as oxygen, argon, and carbon dioxide) invited us to roll up VIP-style to their VICE* Little Friday San Francisco Mezzanine launch party (YOU SAID YOU WANTED A LOT OF QUALIFIERS, RIGHT??). And roll we did.


Lesson 1: If you show up with a camera, especially if it’s got a big-ass flash on top, and even if the flash was sold new the same year “Total Eclipse of the Heart” was a No. 1 single (and yes I did have to look up “pop culture + 1983” because while I was alive then, I could not yet hold my head up on my own [stop guessing! FINE, I’m 43 okay?]), strangers will pose for your photos! Maybe I shouldn’t be divulging this here because we are so pulling this shit again. This was particularly noteworthy at the Air launch because everyone at this party was goddamn attractive, especially the other sexy fuckers in VIP (#humblebrag).


Lesson 2: Air is hella good! As I mentioned in my intro, I arrived at the launch ready to party and hopeful but skeptical I’d enjoy drinking Air. But both the citrus and berry flavors were tasty and refreshing. Not too sweet, and nice and bubbly. With about the same amount of alcohol as a domestic beer, I can see Air in my future as a lighter, canned alternative to my normal fifth of Old Crow for a daydrinking afternoon in the park.


The picture of health

Confession: In a perhaps-vain attempt to compensate for the drinking, I try in other ways to be a little bit “healthy.” My future hopes all lie in this stuff I drink daily mixed with coconut water called “super green. ” It may sound like a lazily-named strain of marijuana but is actually like, every kind of plant in the known Universe combined and crushed into dark green powder and—oh huh, maybe it is weed. Point being: Air’s got comparatively low calories, and that makes this desperate, vain douchebag happy.


Me with my new friend

And there’s more: One of the sexiest people we met at the party was the bartender (aren’t they always?). I don’t want to over-sell it, but this woman was glowing—no, radiating—an angelic warmth. She was radiating hot geniusy heat. (Whatever losers, I never said I could write good.) So how did she earn her Mensa/Sainthood certification? By pouring some vodka into the wide, gaping mouths of our Air cans. Hot, right? Now that’s innovation, Enthusiasts!


In conclusion: OMG LAZERS!


Check out more photos from the party on our Facebook page.

*Shout-outs where shouts are due: My little bro is the publisher of VICE Russia. I’ll take all the hipster cred, PLEASE.