Ask The Enthusiast: Dr. Hatt

Dear Enthusiast,
My alcohol soaked friend thought it would be funny to open a fake Facebook account for me.  Is it okay to smear poop on his car in retaliation?

—Dr. Hatt

Dear Dr. Hatt,

As useful a tool as Facebook is for 3am, criminally-inappropriate public proclamations of cousins and/or co-workers’ “hotness,” the world’s favoritest social networking site can be a minefield for the very drunk—and their slightly more sober friends. While it’s tempting to get angry at your booze-soaked buddy for what you, judging by your cruel choice of revenge, perceive as a malicious act, you’ve really got to look at this from his perspective: He was trying to help you.

I’m trembling with enthusiasm!

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Ask The Enthusiast: Sobering up in Seattle

It has come to our attention here at the Enthusiast that while in an enthusiastic state, common rules of decorum break down. Manners fall apart. People ass out. Chaos can ensue.

So we’re piloting a new column on TAE, Ask The Enthusiast, where you can ask us all your most enthusiastic, drinking-related questions. And which we will be happy to answer.

After we’ve made sweet sweet love on my … is this a cot?
This is called a cot, right? On my cot.

The lone fifth: To yoink or not to yoink?

If I am at a house party, it’s after beer-30, I’m planning to stay a while still, and I notice there is only one fifth of liquor left in the kitchen, is it okay for me to grab it and hide it in my purse to ensure I stay properly enthusiastic for the duration of my time there? Or do I need to share with the other guests?

—Sobering up in Seattle
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