Jan
08
2013

Hide that hangover!

Josey & Loosey Goosey (& L.G.’s sister)

Ladies, while science (pffft…whatever, science) may say we can’t drink as much as men—apparently that sexy extra fat we carry makes our bodies metabolize booze at about half their rate—we as females have a distinct advantage in hiding our hangovers from the world’s judgiest-judgers: makeup.

Here, from guest Enthusiast Loosey Goosey (ed. note: NOT HER REAL NAME!!!) and your very own Josey (ed. note: me) are some tips to help you take advantage of the cosmetic tools at your disposal.

(Ed. note: Oh and men can totally wear makeup, too if they want. Something about gender!!! I’m being PC! I’m being PC!!!!)

hungover josey

Look how good I am at hiding my wretched hangovers! #notconvincing #reno

1. First thing’s first: Drink lots of water. Also coconut water. Trust us, your skin will be soooooo much less hideous when it’s (semi) rehydrated. Cause hungover you look like, 30 years older than you actually are (ed. note: no offense). Read more »


Jun
12
2011

An Enthuisiast’s Guide: Hangovers

—Christian


Unfortunately, rampant enthusiasm has its consequences. In the worst cases those consequences involve waking up in a hospital or jail. But that typically comes from bad luck or inexperience—or if it’s a frequent occurrence, perhaps a sign your alcohol enthusiasm has ventured into darker territories. Much more common, and some say unavoidable, is when having a really good time leads to having a really bad time the next morning: the dreaded hangover.

Hangovers are caused by a variety of factors, most notably: dehydration and the body’s struggle to metabolize the acetaldehyde in your system. The problem being while your body works to process the excessive alcohol its ability to effectively absorb water is hindered—meaning, the liquids you drink tend to flush right through.

Another element that contributes to hangovers is the general depletion of vitamins and nutrients resulting from consuming nothing but liquid carbs and sugar for 8-16 hours. Not to mention the physical exhaustion that standing/dancing/walking/running/giving piggyback rides/copulating over that same period of time will exert.

So what can you do to help your body get through the pain next morning?
Read more »


Nov
03
2010

Four Loko field testing

—Christian

There’s been a lot of recent press about a caffeinated malt liquor beverage know as Four Loko. Apparently it’s been causing college kids to succumb to alcohol poisoning at higher frequencies than normal. The theory is that the stimulants in the 23.5oz beverage prevent its drinkers from experiencing the sedative effects of the relatively high alcohol content (12%). Hence, they are able to consume more without slowing down and thusly they end up drinking and drinking until their BAC turns off the lights.

Read more »


Oct
05
2010

Food for Drunks: Pork belly donuts and Pine State biscuits

—Josey

You know when you’re halfway through a bottle of Kirkland Signature vodka and you get an empty, gnawing feeling in your gut? Occasionally, that’s not just last weekend’s regrettable (and documented) intercourse acts eating away at you, nor the bulk bottle of vodka getting 86’d from your system. Sometimes, that gnawing means you’re hungry. For food.

But while an oily slice of pepperoni swiped off your bar neighbor’s table while they’re getting another round, or a stale handful of Movie Theater Butter popcorn out of a yellow-stained bag perched atop your friend’s kitchen garbage will satisfy in a pinch, there are certain edibles that will really tickle your booze-drenched belly until in screams in joy.

With this new series, Food for Drunks, we aim to hunt down the world’s most Enthusiast-friendly provisions—and, enjoy the shit of out them.
Read more »


Aug
17
2010

I’m sorry about last night

—Josey

The cold, clammy memory of last night’s apology-necessitating act is every Enthusiast’s nauseating-yet-necessary champion-breakfast appetizer (breakfast of course being Kentucky coffee and a fist full of aspirin). But there are as many types of dristakes as there are Enthusiasts to make them. What is the best way to handle your victims the morning after?

1. I’m sorry I puked. You’re going to have to replace or thoroughly clean whatever you emptied last night’s Nail plus last night’s Double Down on. If you regurgitate on your friend and they demand you bathe them to undo your damage, do your enthusiastic duty: roll up your sleeves, and start gently cleansing their bare flesh with a warm, sudsy, over-sized sponge. Whether what you’re doing is literally cleaning up yesterday’s chunky over-enthusiasm or merely fulfilling their previously-repressed fantasies about you, just go with it. And if your vomit victim’s eyes roll back as you sponge away and they start muttering “nurse … nurse” in between satisfied gasps, keep sponging—you’re on the path to forgiveness. Besides, as an Enthusiast you’ve experienced and enacted far stranger things. Alternatively you could offer a revenge-heave. Gets you out of soaping them down, and/or paying to dryclean their “swayed” jacked and/or having to bleach their car’s air conditioning vents. What do you care about a return regurgitation? You’re wasted!

Read more »


Jul
20
2010

drinkwel field testing: Christian

—Christian

Health should be a priority, even for Enthusiasts. We all know that drinking has certain negative effects on the body. While long term use can be quite beneficial, in the short term, the consequences can be devastating. Such was the case after a recent Sunday birthday celebration at which consumption got a little out of hand a little too late in the day. Unsurprisingly, I woke up feeling less than amazing—far less. Fortunately, that day I received a package in the mail from The Alcohol Enthusiast’s first swag-provider, drinkwel.

But first some backstory. We found out about drinkwel by way of the Enthusiast friendly email magazine, UrbanDaddy. The article explained that there was finally a supplement designed specifically for drinkers. Further investigation on the drinkwel website revealed that the formula is intended to replenish the body with the vitamins and nutrients that alcohol tends to suck out of you in the process of filling you with the feeling of being the coolest person in the world (I guess something has to give).
Read more »


Jul
20
2010

drinkwel field testing: Josey

—Josey

The never-ending party is the most effective way to ensure no hangover. But once in a while it’s Sunday night and you realize you’re supposed to stagger through the doors of your workplace in mere morning hours, and that you should probably start sobering up. With visions of pounding temples and queasy bellies in our fuzzy brains we futilely chug glass after glass of water, swig Gatorade, and shakily nuke frozen pepperoni pies, praying for salvation in the form of grease, carbs, and electrolytes. Short of a pre-work Bloody Mary that could result in (depending on your job) certain termination should supervisors get wise, what’s a desperate drunk to do?

Mama’s greasy medicine.

Enthusiast HQ learned of drinkwel, a new and supposedly-hangover relieving multivitamin supplement from an UrbanDaddy email. We wrote the company in search of swag, and luckily, our plea resulted in free samples. Was I skeptical? Of course. The placebo effect is powerful. I needed a field test—and, another fantastic excuse to get insanely wasted for 48 hours.
Read more »


Jul
20
2010

drinkwel field testing: Jason

Jason

Housewarmings. Birthdays. Gay Pride. The World Cup. Tuesdays.

June was downright slutty in her offering up of reasons to imbibe to excess.

July gave it up quite a bit, too.

Being the Fernet fan that I am, I am often accosted by ridiculous hangovers. If hangovers were people, then I would be the guy that ran over their dog. wife. infant son. Because my hangovers are clearly angry at me. Tony Montana angry.

Don’t get this reference? You may have reached this page by mistake. You can find the Eclipse fanpage here.

So you can imagine my excitement when Christian wrote to me to tell me about this drinkwel stuff. I took a look at the ingredients and the FAQ and figured this was something I’d need to try. It had the usual suspects—lots of B vitamins (which are always good for you, post-enthusiasm). But B vitamins don’t cure or relieve hangovers. There’s some evidence that they shorten the duration of your hangover, which is good,  but in my experience, they’ve done nothing for the headaches, nausea, black eyes and concussions which are frequently the results of my overindulgence.
Read more »