Oct
17
2012

Drinking with strabismus


I am bad at almost all drinking games because I don’t have good depth perception. Being bad at drinking games means losing, which means drinking. So really, who’s the loser now, Sober McSoberstein? Read more »


Jun
27
2012

Taste test: Whiskey Dick

—Josey

Whiskey Dick is more than just every enthusiastic man’s nightmare. It’s also the name of a bourbon-flavored lube. I’m a long-time fan of both bourbon and putting penises in my mouth, so this lube is basically the realization of like, about a third of my fantasies.

Because I’m a distinguished member of the alcoholic press, I emailed the Whiskey Dick company‘s super-official “media” address, basked in my own specialness for a few, and waited patiently for my Whiskey Dick to arrive. And guess what? My Whiskey Dick popped up—I mean, didn’t pop up—later that night! Take my wife, please.
Read more »


May
17
2012

An Enthusiasts guide to technology: SceneTap

—Christian

We live in the future. As if there was any doubt before.

SceneTap isn’t new. It’s been around since last year. But it is finally coming west to the great city by the Bay. Launching tomorrow in San Francisco, SceneTap uses facial recognition technology (captured by video cameras) to determine the age and gender of patrons entering bars with the system installed. What this means is that at any time you can use their app (download here) to get a headcount, along with the demographic composition of the crowd at your local watering hole. Which is great if you’re sick of dealing with all the recently graduated coeds in 6″ heels and tight dresses. Or, conversely, you’re seeking out that sort of company.
Read more »


Oct
19
2011

“You can’t complain when going to beer festivals is work:” An interview with Mike McAdams of drinkwel

Every Enthusiast has awakened after a particularly fun night in at least one of the following places: the backseat of a moving car that a stranger is driving, an ex-girlfriend’s bed to the sound of her screaming “you gotta get out of here! (s)he’ll be home any second!,” a corn maze. With a mouth as dry as sandpaper, the shakes setting in, and the distinct feeling of being pummeled repeatedly with the dull end of a hatchet ringing though ones’ head, a thought emerges—why hasn’t anyone come up with a cure for this yet?

Mike and Greg, drinkwel co-founders.

Mike McAdams and Greg Huang have attempted to do just that, answering our parched and desperate pleas with drinkwel, a multivitamin made just for us serious alcoholics non-problematic social drinkers. When we heard about drinkwel, we shamelessly begged for free samples and indulged in a couple serious long-weekend benders because we can’t control our compulsion to drink to field-test this supposed hangover cure. Taken as directed (before and after boozing), the little vitamin supplements did wonders for our next-morning condition. Apparently, “healthy drinker” doesn’t have to be an oxymoron. Convinced, we asked Mike to put the bottle of Jack down long enough (kidding! It was a pint glass of beer) to talk with us about inventing a vitamin for drinkers, hangover prevention, and life as an entrepreneur. Here’s what he had to say: Read more »


Jun
12
2011

An Enthuisiast’s Guide: Hangovers

—Christian


Unfortunately, rampant enthusiasm has its consequences. In the worst cases those consequences involve waking up in a hospital or jail. But that typically comes from bad luck or inexperience—or if it’s a frequent occurrence, perhaps a sign your alcohol enthusiasm has ventured into darker territories. Much more common, and some say unavoidable, is when having a really good time leads to having a really bad time the next morning: the dreaded hangover.

Hangovers are caused by a variety of factors, most notably: dehydration and the body’s struggle to metabolize the acetaldehyde in your system. The problem being while your body works to process the excessive alcohol its ability to effectively absorb water is hindered—meaning, the liquids you drink tend to flush right through.

Another element that contributes to hangovers is the general depletion of vitamins and nutrients resulting from consuming nothing but liquid carbs and sugar for 8-16 hours. Not to mention the physical exhaustion that standing/dancing/walking/running/giving piggyback rides/copulating over that same period of time will exert.

So what can you do to help your body get through the pain next morning?
Read more »


Jun
03
2011

Drunk personality types: Part II

—Josey

Anyone who drinks has a drunk personality type. In Part I of this post, we described 6 of the most common drunk personality types. For Part II, we’ll look at 5 of the slightly-less-common types.

Your drunk personality may be a louder, more naked, and less funny version of sober-you. Or maybe you’ve got some intense Jekyll and Hyde shit going on. Either way: your drunk personality emerges when you’re maximally inebriated and it’s the heart and soul of your drunken self.

The Philosopher. (Thanks to our friend Alice for this one.) He’s a variation of The Oversharer (see Part I), but he’s not looking for any feedback—in furrowed brow form, in hugs, in speech, or otherwise. The guy sitting at the bar by himself seemed harmless enough. So when he smiled, made a totally normal comment about the sports team playing on the bar TV, and motioned for you to sit, you thought—why not? With an open mind, you belly up. And no sooner does language start flooding from your new friend’s mouth do you realize you’ve made a terrible, tragic mistake. First of all, he doesn’t want to talk about the sports game at all—the ball they’re playing with is apparently a well-made helium balloon, and the players merely engaged in an elaborate ballet. Also, they’re cyborgs. Wait, you didn’t take that literally—did you? The only truth is that there is none. It’s all a socially-constructed, collective lie we’ve agreed to reinforce for each other—like my fucking ex-wife! That bitch lied a lot. She said she’d never get fat. She told me she’d never suck my brother’s dick. There’s no “knowing.” But you’re probably too enamored of the mirage to really understand.
Read more »


May
27
2011

Drunk personality types: Part I

—Josey

Some people say that the way you act when you’re drunk is a reflection of your true personality. Partially repressed parts of your soul bubbling to the surface of your booze-addled brain. In vino veritas, and all that. Whether that’s totally accurate, or 90% accurate and really hard to admit, one thing’s for sure: Anyone who drinks has a drunk personality type. Your drunk personality may just be a louder, more naked, and less funny version of sober-you. Or maybe you’ve got some intense Jekyll and Hyde shit going on. Either way: your drunk personality emerges when you’re maximally inebriated, oft-blacked out, and it’s the heart and soul of your drunken self.

Here are some of the most common drunk personality types (and when you’re done reading this, check out Part II):


The Big Spender.
He’s not just getting rounds for the table—he’s buying shots of Patron for the whole bar. And then he’s buying everybody lap dances at the Gold Club. In the VIP room. With bottle service. Sure, his internship in the mail room of the insurance company doesn’t exactly pay well, and he’s only on a three-month contract—but he’s got tomorrow’s due rent in cold, hard cash, some almost-maxed out plastic for “emergencies only,” and he knows how to use it. What could be more important than treating his new, best friends to a night on the town they’ll never forget? Suite at the W? Where else would we have the afterparty? Limos home for everyone? So much better than cabs or walking! Plane tickets to Jamaica for all the mailroom interns? I’ve always wanted to go there! The Big Spender can be easily spotted: He’s the guy screaming, “what have I done? What have I done??” in the lobby of the W any given Saturday morning.
Read more »


May
06
2011

Quiz: Are you drunk right now?

—Josey

Are you drunk right now? You might think so, but you might not be. That’s why we’ve created this helpful quiz: Just answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions and put suspicions about your sobriety to bed once and for all.


1. Are you seeing double? Are you seeing double?
….1a) How many fingers am I holding up?

2. Does buying a round of Patrón for the bar sound like a great way to liquidate your checking account?
….2a) Does buying a second round on your Visa sound like a great way to build credit?
Read more »


Feb
03
2011

Booze: cure for the common cold

—Christian

We’ve already definitively determined that booze is good for you. Numerous studies have shown that drinkers live longer, have stronger hearts and are generally just healthier than non-drinkers. (My personal favorite is the finding that people who drink moderately but don’t exercise are actually more often healthier than people who exercise regularly and don’t drink at all. Take THAT, everyone that said drinking and not working out was bad for me!) But in the throes of cold and flu season, and with a burgeoning sore throat, the familiar question arose in my mind of whether or not drinking actually helps to A) prevent one from getting sick and B) remedy minor illness after its onset.

Read more »


Nov
18
2010

Booze Myths: Beer is healthier than water

—Christian

As is commonly known, throughout history there have been times when beer was a more salubrious potation than the water of a given region. Reasons for this abound, the most common being E. coli and other such contaminants found in untreated drinking water. Beer, on the other hand, utilizes boiling in the fermentation process and hence contains a more purified liquid. This, in essence, made the final product the healthiest option for quenching one’s thirst in those troubled times of yore.
Read more »


Older Posts »