Five secret flasks


1. Wine rack/beer belly: Ever wanted people to point, stare, and loudly whisper mean, insulting things about you and your drinking habits—more so? Ladies, your search for nasty gossip fodder ends here. Sport the wine rack and the booze belly at the same time and presto: Wasted and preggers! Or for a shorter event where less snuck-in booze is needed, look hot instead of creepy with a cheap, surgery-free boob job. The fastest way to any hunky drunk’s heart is letting him suckle your alcohol-filled fake breasts, right? (Hey baby, want a taste?)

2. Cell phone flask:  No one would ever suspect this cell phone’s really a flask—in 2003. C’mon dudes: Make an iPhone version so we can actually get away with this. We live in goddamn San Francisco, for fuck’s sake! We’re snobs! And the belt holder? Bitch, please. Ok fine. I still want it.

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Be proud, Enthusiasts!


I don’t usually wax philosophical (preferring more often to wax off—bah dump chssht!), but I wanted to take a moment to question a few things about drinking, or rather attitudes towards it here in the good ol’ US of A.

I’m talking about all the raised eyebrows and whispers around the watercooler when you show up to work hungover, the hangdog looks and the “I’m sorrys” that accompany particularly great nights out with the boys, even the stern talks with yourself in the mirror Saturday morning when you find the 200 bucks you took out for the whole weekend is now $16.89.

It’s a deep-seated thing, a bad genetic memory even—this Puritanical notion that drinking is bad. Not bad for you, or bad for the earth or bad tasting, but just simply Bad. Morally reprehensible. Evil. Wrong. There’s a stigma surrounding drinking and it’s especially prevalent in the US, where a good many of us are descended from our European brethren who made a run for it way back in the day. It runs deep in many and it’s time we put things in perspective.

I would like to posit to our readers that drinking is not only not bad, but good—even healthy and beneficial to the bodies, minds and souls of those that decide to partake of the Enthusiast’s much-maligned drug of choice. Here’s why:
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