Jun
12
2012

Fairfax Festival 2012

—Christian


Last weekend was Fairfax Festival and your humble enthusiasts made the annual pilgrimage up to Josey’s hometown to celebrate. For those who don’t know, Fairfax Festival is a town-wide party kicked off with a parade on Saturday morning (which our Friday night activities unfortunately precluded this year) and music both indoor and out through Sunday evening. We arrived late, but still got there in time to enjoy some of the regional brew.
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Jan
04
2012

Hotties of the Week: Zada and Matt

There’s only one thing we like almost as much as drinking here at The Alcohol Enthusiast—hotties. So we decided to combine the two.

To kick 2012 off right we’re giving you twice the sexiness: Our first ever Hottie Couple of the Week. With Zada “The Zadinator” and Matt “Harpstar” (life)guarding the pool hall, you’ll never again fear drowning after you finally sink that 8. And because they’re true Enthusiasts, you’ll never have to worry about sobering up mid-game again, either—if you can convince them to share.


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Dec
28
2011

Hungover Personality Types: Part II

—Josey

Just as everyone who drinks has a drunk personality type, those of us who drink to excess also experience our drunk personality’s bloated and dehydrated evil sister-in-law—the hungover personality type.

In Part I we looked at The Teetotaler, The Hypochondriac, and Misery Loves Company. Here are three more:

The Strategist. Between the cases of coconut water she gets delivered to her apartment, the multiple bottles of liver- and energy-restoring vitamins and ibuprofen perpetually stocked in her medicine cabinet, the extra-large aloe juice in the fridge and the raw apple cider vinegar on the counter—it’s obvious this isn’t her first rodeo. Read more »


Dec
26
2011

Hungover personality types: Part I

—Josey

Just as everyone who drinks has a drunk personality type, those of us who drink to excess also experience our drunk personality’s bloated and dehydrated evil sister-in-law—the hungover personality type.

Let’s take a look at a few of the more common:

The Teetotaler. 364 days a year, he’s the quiet guy in the back cubical who looks confused when you regale him with stories about your brother’s bachelor party last weekend in South Lake. Read more »


Jul
21
2011

The Drunkest I’ve Ever Been: Lost in Portland

—Haley

So, this one time when two of my favorite folks were in town…I got LOST.

There’s getting lost, being lost, and getting LOST. Getting lost can happen to most anyone, at any time. Being lost and getting LOST, I feel, are reserved for the habitually enthusiastic. Like the time I was shooting for 12th and Ladd and wound up at 28th and Stark with a skid mark all the way down my right arm (from connecting with a van while trying to slow my bike down enough to read a god forsaken street sign). I’d say this counts as being lost. Once I figured out what street I was on I knew where I was. Entirely different from getting LOST.
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Jun
03
2011

Drunk personality types: Part II

—Josey

Anyone who drinks has a drunk personality type. In Part I of this post, we described 6 of the most common drunk personality types. For Part II, we’ll look at 5 of the slightly-less-common types.

Your drunk personality may be a louder, more naked, and less funny version of sober-you. Or maybe you’ve got some intense Jekyll and Hyde shit going on. Either way: your drunk personality emerges when you’re maximally inebriated and it’s the heart and soul of your drunken self.

The Philosopher. (Thanks to our friend Alice for this one.) He’s a variation of The Oversharer (see Part I), but he’s not looking for any feedback—in furrowed brow form, in hugs, in speech, or otherwise. The guy sitting at the bar by himself seemed harmless enough. So when he smiled, made a totally normal comment about the sports team playing on the bar TV, and motioned for you to sit, you thought—why not? With an open mind, you belly up. And no sooner does language start flooding from your new friend’s mouth do you realize you’ve made a terrible, tragic mistake. First of all, he doesn’t want to talk about the sports game at all—the ball they’re playing with is apparently a well-made helium balloon, and the players merely engaged in an elaborate ballet. Also, they’re cyborgs. Wait, you didn’t take that literally—did you? The only truth is that there is none. It’s all a socially-constructed, collective lie we’ve agreed to reinforce for each other—like my fucking ex-wife! That bitch lied a lot. She said she’d never get fat. She told me she’d never suck my brother’s dick. There’s no “knowing.” But you’re probably too enamored of the mirage to really understand.
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May
27
2011

Drunk personality types: Part I

—Josey

Some people say that the way you act when you’re drunk is a reflection of your true personality. Partially repressed parts of your soul bubbling to the surface of your booze-addled brain. In vino veritas, and all that. Whether that’s totally accurate, or 90% accurate and really hard to admit, one thing’s for sure: Anyone who drinks has a drunk personality type. Your drunk personality may just be a louder, more naked, and less funny version of sober-you. Or maybe you’ve got some intense Jekyll and Hyde shit going on. Either way: your drunk personality emerges when you’re maximally inebriated, oft-blacked out, and it’s the heart and soul of your drunken self.

Here are some of the most common drunk personality types (and when you’re done reading this, check out Part II):


The Big Spender.
He’s not just getting rounds for the table—he’s buying shots of Patron for the whole bar. And then he’s buying everybody lap dances at the Gold Club. In the VIP room. With bottle service. Sure, his internship in the mail room of the insurance company doesn’t exactly pay well, and he’s only on a three-month contract—but he’s got tomorrow’s due rent in cold, hard cash, some almost-maxed out plastic for “emergencies only,” and he knows how to use it. What could be more important than treating his new, best friends to a night on the town they’ll never forget? Suite at the W? Where else would we have the afterparty? Limos home for everyone? So much better than cabs or walking! Plane tickets to Jamaica for all the mailroom interns? I’ve always wanted to go there! The Big Spender can be easily spotted: He’s the guy screaming, “what have I done? What have I done??” in the lobby of the W any given Saturday morning.
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May
06
2011

Quiz: Are you drunk right now?

—Josey

Are you drunk right now? You might think so, but you might not be. That’s why we’ve created this helpful quiz: Just answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions and put suspicions about your sobriety to bed once and for all.


1. Are you seeing double? Are you seeing double?
….1a) How many fingers am I holding up?

2. Does buying a round of Patrón for the bar sound like a great way to liquidate your checking account?
….2a) Does buying a second round on your Visa sound like a great way to build credit?
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Apr
27
2011

Food For Drunks: Cooking 101

—Christian

Sometimes you are drunk and there is no way to acquire food not made by your own hand. Maybe you left your debit card at the bar and then spent your last dollars plugging the receding window at the peepshow. Or maybe it’s 4:00am and you don’t live in New York, so the closest place that’s open 24-hours would require too sobering a walk to make it worth it. Perhaps you finally made it home where the booze is, so why would you want to leave again? Regardless of the reason, there comes a time in every Enthusiast’s life that they need to cook. More specifically, cook while less than sober.

The first step is to take an honest self-assessment of how drunk you really are. Can you stand without one hand on the counter? Good, let’s reach for the frying pan. No? Maybe get out a bowl and spoon instead. As I’m sure you know, food prep can be a pretty dangerous activity, even while sober, so your choice of meal should take into careful consideration how acute your motor skills are at the time.
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Nov
03
2010

Four Loko field testing

—Christian

There’s been a lot of recent press about a caffeinated malt liquor beverage know as Four Loko. Apparently it’s been causing college kids to succumb to alcohol poisoning at higher frequencies than normal. The theory is that the stimulants in the 23.5oz beverage prevent its drinkers from experiencing the sedative effects of the relatively high alcohol content (12%). Hence, they are able to consume more without slowing down and thusly they end up drinking and drinking until their BAC turns off the lights.

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