Quiz: Are you drunk right now?


Are you drunk right now? You might think so, but you might not be. That’s why we’ve created this helpful quiz: Just answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions and put suspicions about your sobriety to bed once and for all.

1. Are you seeing double? Are you seeing double?
….1a) How many fingers am I holding up?

2. Does buying a round of Patrón for the bar sound like a great way to liquidate your checking account?
….2a) Does buying a second round on your Visa sound like a great way to build credit?
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It’s hard to write The Alcohol Enthusiast when you’re an alcohol enthusiast


I have to write. After work. I will not go to happy hour. I will head straight home, crack open my laptop, and I will write. I will ignore the late afternoon nervous tick of emails inquiring about today’s “HH.” I will respond to the influx of “what are you guys up to tonight?” texts with an apologetic emoticon face, and a confident “have to write.” Shocked and pleading follow-ups thwarted by my assertions that This Needs to Happen; requisite jokes about the irony of The Alcohol Enthusiast turning down invites to booze, followed by “shhh don’t tell anyone,” winky emoticon face, “oh if they only knew.”

But not drinking is not my secret because that has never happened. When the HH emails and the party-time texts come through the enthusiasm-trembles start pulsing, the anxious inner-pace begins. Then the desks around me turn ghost town, and visions turn to vodka, and visions become karaoke and peep shows and 4am.

It’s hard to write The Alcohol Enthusiast when you’re an alcohol enthusiast.
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An Enthusiast’s guide to happy hour


All Enthusiasts know that happy hour is a lie.

Not the happy part—the hour part. While billed as a way to decompress with friends and co-workers at the end of a challenging work week—or to remind yourself that there are good things in this world in the midst of a hellacious one—for Enthusiasts, happy hour is simply a financially-savvy method of kicking off a drinking marathon. So how can an Enthusiast make the most of her Friday happy twelve hours?
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