Dec
09
2010

Diaries of a cigarette girl: Part 2

—Chelsea

Guest writer Chelsea regales us with her first forays into the wild world of booze in this multipart series.

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Dec
02
2010

Diaries of a cigarette girl: Part 1

—Chelsea

Guest writer Chelsea regales us with her first forays into the wild world of booze in this multipart series.

As a teenager I was shy, awkward, and lonely. I devoted most of my free time to solitary pursuits: writing to my pen pals, listening to records in my room, watching my favorite Japanese soap operas. Socializing was not my strong suit and I was rarely invited to the parties and high school dances where most kids experience an assortment of Firsts: first date, first kiss, first swig of beer, first bitter puff of someone’s cigarette. Hearing my peers talk of their typical adolescent antics was like listening to stories from another time and place, completely foreign and without context. Needless to say, I did not drink, ever.
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Nov
17
2010

Drunk(s) of the Day: When dru’zombies attack

—Josey

Today, we present two snapshots of the comically wasted.

1. You know how in zombie movies, when the non-zombie protagonists are escaping to safety in an enclosed vehicle, and zombies surround the vehicle and are heavily thumping their rotting appendages against the doors? And pressing their moaning, sallow and hollow-eyed faces against the windows? We had accomplished what can be an impossible task during the post-last call hours in the City by the Bay—we hailed a cab. No sooner had we hoisted our booze-weakened bodies into the backseat, than she with the empty gaze, teetering in strappy, pencil-heeled sandal, pressed palm against glass to steady herself and grabbed at the door handle. Our cab driver immediately locked us in, giggling at what was probably the 8 billionth wasted dame to attempt to commandeer his occupied back seat. Quivering, we heard her palm smack the window and fingers ineffectively yank at the handle.  Seconds dragged on as she futilely struggled. Finally, the light changed and we left Ms. Zombie Apocalypse behind.


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Oct
05
2010

Food for Drunks: Pork belly donuts and Pine State biscuits

—Josey

You know when you’re halfway through a bottle of Kirkland Signature vodka and you get an empty, gnawing feeling in your gut? Occasionally, that’s not just last weekend’s regrettable (and documented) intercourse acts eating away at you, nor the bulk bottle of vodka getting 86’d from your system. Sometimes, that gnawing means you’re hungry. For food.

But while an oily slice of pepperoni swiped off your bar neighbor’s table while they’re getting another round, or a stale handful of Movie Theater Butter popcorn out of a yellow-stained bag perched atop your friend’s kitchen garbage will satisfy in a pinch, there are certain edibles that will really tickle your booze-drenched belly until in screams in joy.

With this new series, Food for Drunks, we aim to hunt down the world’s most Enthusiast-friendly provisions—and, enjoy the shit of out them.
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Sep
22
2010

When we drink

—Josey

I embarked on my first week-long bender because I got dumped. Even when you know it’s coming, when you’re young—or maybe, also, when you’re not—it sucks. Really bad. After pleading and crying and many empty threats, I called some friends, went to the Greyhound station, got hit-on by some dude on his way to a Job Corps forestry program, and tearfully rode the bus to Santa Cruz, where I wallowed in cheap vodka, puked up cheap vodka, and might have eaten a burrito at some point. I stumbled through five misty, hazy days of drunk before catching a ride home. Splitting headache and trembling hands aside, I felt much better than I had before I left. I felt cleansed.
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Jul
20
2010

drinkwel field testing: Christian

—Christian

Health should be a priority, even for Enthusiasts. We all know that drinking has certain negative effects on the body. While long term use can be quite beneficial, in the short term, the consequences can be devastating. Such was the case after a recent Sunday birthday celebration at which consumption got a little out of hand a little too late in the day. Unsurprisingly, I woke up feeling less than amazing—far less. Fortunately, that day I received a package in the mail from The Alcohol Enthusiast’s first swag-provider, drinkwel.

But first some backstory. We found out about drinkwel by way of the Enthusiast friendly email magazine, UrbanDaddy. The article explained that there was finally a supplement designed specifically for drinkers. Further investigation on the drinkwel website revealed that the formula is intended to replenish the body with the vitamins and nutrients that alcohol tends to suck out of you in the process of filling you with the feeling of being the coolest person in the world (I guess something has to give).
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Jul
20
2010

drinkwel field testing: Josey

—Josey

The never-ending party is the most effective way to ensure no hangover. But once in a while it’s Sunday night and you realize you’re supposed to stagger through the doors of your workplace in mere morning hours, and that you should probably start sobering up. With visions of pounding temples and queasy bellies in our fuzzy brains we futilely chug glass after glass of water, swig Gatorade, and shakily nuke frozen pepperoni pies, praying for salvation in the form of grease, carbs, and electrolytes. Short of a pre-work Bloody Mary that could result in (depending on your job) certain termination should supervisors get wise, what’s a desperate drunk to do?

Mama’s greasy medicine.

Enthusiast HQ learned of drinkwel, a new and supposedly-hangover relieving multivitamin supplement from an UrbanDaddy email. We wrote the company in search of swag, and luckily, our plea resulted in free samples. Was I skeptical? Of course. The placebo effect is powerful. I needed a field test—and, another fantastic excuse to get insanely wasted for 48 hours.
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Jul
20
2010

drinkwel field testing: Jason

—Jason

Housewarmings. Birthdays. Gay Pride. The World Cup. Tuesdays.

June was downright slutty in her offering up of reasons to imbibe to excess.

July gave it up quite a bit, too.

Being the Fernet fan that I am, I am often accosted by ridiculous hangovers. If hangovers were people, then I would be the guy that ran over their dog. wife. infant son. Because my hangovers are clearly angry at me. Tony Montana angry.

Don’t get this reference? You may have reached this page by mistake. You can find the Eclipse fanpage here.

So you can imagine my excitement when Christian wrote to me to tell me about this drinkwel stuff. I took a look at the ingredients and the FAQ and figured this was something I’d need to try. It had the usual suspects—lots of B vitamins (which are always good for you, post-enthusiasm). But B vitamins don’t cure or relieve hangovers. There’s some evidence that they shorten the duration of your hangover, which is good,  but in my experience, they’ve done nothing for the headaches, nausea, black eyes and concussions which are frequently the results of my overindulgence.
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Jun
25
2010

Strip club luncheon

Every Enthusiast should go to a strip club at least once in their life. I recommend you avoid the no-booze-having clubs that you find in some states, as there is something inherently creepy about a room full of clothed people sitting there for the sole purpose of staring at (and otherwise interacting with) naked chicks. That said, bar-having strip clubs can be an extremely fun atmosphere to imbibe in.

They can also be a great place to eat. A long standing co-worker of mine recently decided to try out funemployment for a while and see some of the world. Of course we needed to send her off in a big way. After all, as our general manager pointed out, she had spent nearly a quarter of her life with the company. Someone came up with the idea of going to the Gold Club here in San Francisco for their famous $5 cover-charge, free lunch buffet and we set off.
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May
17
2010

Last night a Fernet saved my life.

Fernet Branca

If you live in our lovely city by the bay, then you may already be familiar with this potent elixir of joy.

But if you are visiting this blog from somewhere other than San Francisco or Argentina (welcome, fellow Enthusiasts!) you may not know much about this local hero of a beverage.

For us, Fernet is an “industry drink”—the “industry,” in this case, being the one that is often ironically referred to as “hospitality.”  This would include restaurant, hotel, theme park, general tourism, and though I have no experience with it, I’m pretty sure retail overlaps quite a bit. For the purposes of this post, I speak about Fernet from the POV of the corporate restaurant sweatshop worker, as that is how yours truly became quite the fan of this little bit o’ Darth Vader in a glass.

It’s bad. I mean, really bad. For non-industry people, just the smell is enough to put them off drinking for a good long time. They look at you in bewildered confusion—why on earth would anyone voluntarily drink this stuff?
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